In that first year I knew
Knew I was in that marriage
We vowed ourselves into at the little church on the hill,
the joining we celebrated in a reception on a shoestring
at the nearby State Park
Knew I was in it
Alone

Alone with my censored
Feelings
The ones I couldn't admit
To myself or
Anyone else
Who thought we loved each other
Thought we were happy

You would go on
The Road
Alone in the dark  When it was
Finally quiet
I would furtively wish you
Wouldn't return
Would meet someone else
Would have a fatal accident
So I could move on
Painlessly leaving the censored part

My censored shadow grew to the size of
An elephant following me, an anchor
Weighing me down, I could
No longer rise
And live

Until I finally looked at it
Examined it thoroughly
I saw the church on the hill had
Sprouted headstones
I saw the park where we celebrated
Overgrown, neglected until it was yellow
Finally showed it to you so
We could both finally be uncensored